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riverbank
14 November 2016 @ 07:54 am
I can't believe I'm back on LJ!
I needed a real writing platform again. I don't even care if no one reads it. This is what I'm using right now. FB I'm just sick of. Its not the same. I needed to write, really write without the placating "likes". I feel freer to say what I feel there...maybe because I used to here. So I try to use LJ again even tho most of you have left.

Maybe I'll make a blog someday but for now I can feel that I am getting something out...here. Is a little different writing online in real time rather than at home in Word where I know no one will see. I know for certain I will write more in this format and not be drawn into the drama and groupthink of FB because I haven no feed there lol.
Ahhh .... here we go!
 
 
Current Location: Earth
Current Mood: Nauseous
 
 
riverbank
27 May 2013 @ 11:19 am
In a week I will be 39. wow!
When I look back over the last ten years, especially on LJ posts, I'm changed so much!

With the pending birthday...There are goals I still haven't reached. Mainly physical. Although I am a hottie :) , I haven't lost the weight I had promised myself to loose. I have been stuck for the past year. My goal is to be even healthier, stronger by 40 so that I will not end up with problems caused by weight like my mom. I dearly wish this but striving for it is hard with mild depression (which shows up in food).

I realize loosing the last 40lbs will not make my life perfect. I only want prevent and treat my body with great respect as it should be. I want to live by my beliefs, extending that to my own self mentally and physically.

All physical changes will come from within. Creating a constant state of good mental health with meditation, exercise, fun, and relaxation. I've observed in myself how this changes me. I have lost weight and gained clarity when I am most happy. Of course the opposite is true the when I am unhappy. I guess I'm evenly okay since not much has changed in my weight the past year.

So on to happiness I go.
 
 
riverbank
15 January 2013 @ 07:12 pm
I have long ago moved to Facebook. If there are friends still here who would like to get back in touch with me, leave a message here. I'll get you my Facebook contact info so we can keep up there.

Man, I have even forgotten how to use LJ.
Wonder if I'll ever use it again.
-Beth
 
 
riverbank
02 December 2011 @ 07:40 pm
hello livejournal,
i have temporaritly lost my regular lined paper journals because of a extended move. i am in transition again. no so sure i like it but its a necessity now. heres the scoop...

a few months ago i spent significant money taking me and my boyfriend to eastern europe. i did not have as much fun as promised and expected. anyway, i am back in the states now over a month not finding a good enough paying job to maintain my independent residence. i am now moving in with my boyfriend. i thought it was a good idea until i saw how much stuff he was moving.

you see, i'm a minimalist (all my essentials can fit in a regular closet). he's on the verge of pack rat as far as i'm concerned (filling an apartment and a basement). we are combining both our apartments into a shared space about the same as our two separate. he is not throwing anything away and i am throwing half away. i am terribly worried about my sanity in this new place.

thus i am unsure if i want to let go of my old place that i rent for 500 a month (a good deal for a house in st lou). i make 600-800 presently. logically it makes sense to live with him a while to save up and get into a better job. but at the same time i find myself limiting my search to stay in the metro area which i could care less about if he wasn't here.

i want to keep my place because its a house not an apartment and very cheap for what it is. the landlords are attentive. i could for another month or so maybe but need a decent paying job to maintain it.

same time, i want to get the hell out of st louis! i don't really like it here. i don't have many friends which became obvious since i came back from europe.

i have a couple of job possibilities (interviews) which would take me out of st louis. boyfriend is looking immobile. all of this is too much a once.

i'm trying to look at the positive of paying off my bills living with my boyfriend and having freedom to look for career jobs. not the negative of living in a limited space with someone who is the opposite when it comes to things. too bad its winter otherwise i would be outside most of the time and maybe care less.

i've been getting sick again with all this stress. stomach, rosacia, drinking, and loss/gain problems over the past two weeks. its ridiculous! my stress manifests so obviously.

what would happen if i stayed in my own place for another couple months till i really couldn't anymore. or stayed with relatives in illinois again? ahhh i don't know anything...

sometimes i want to run away to a rural retreat and hide away!
 
 
riverbank
16 January 2011 @ 08:45 pm
I've realize i'm talking to myself here.

I'm starting two new jobs as an independent artist teacher yet still find my self drinking and avoiding responsibility. I somehow get things done yet I have this depression problem that doesn't make sense to me rationally.

I'm madly in love yet it makes me feel inadequate even though he encourages me to be my best. I can't get a hold of myself physically and emotionally. especially at this time of the month, a week before my period. it gets worse as I get older. the only condolence is that I know where the emotions come from (hormones). yet I hate my reaction of chocolate and booze. while the man I love doesn't endulge in these things I feel pathetically controlled by chemestry.

I have not gained or lost pounds in the past year. Yet my body has changed so that I have a small belly. I don't know how to overcome the emotional side to gain the body shape I want and emotional stability I need. I find myself giving up as I plan my success. Its annoying. I know what i need to do but don't find the will power to do it.
 
 
 
riverbank
25 August 2010 @ 06:25 pm
I was going to post a very negative post about my job teaching but I changed my mind.

I'm in the best most healthy relationship i've ever been in! i just might say i'm in love real love for the first time. kinda scary.

More later....

sorry you missed the pictures
 
 
riverbank
03 December 2009 @ 09:17 am
Teachers out there-

Where would you recommend I go to start a blog or site that is my professional side only?
Being an art teacher, I need a space where I can share pictures as well as lessons.

Thanks
 
 
riverbank
28 October 2009 @ 10:12 am
The past week I've been having problems, kinda mysterious.

When I lay down to sleep I get leg aches. Feels like the backs of my legs need stretched but also goes around all the muscles in my legs. I get it when I'm trying to sleep and when I awake. The tightness in my legs continues for a while after waking up.

I'd think it was restless leg syndrome but I also get nausea. I feel like I might throw up or that I have burps or gas that won't leave. It doesn't go away when I eat breakfast but my leg tension does eventually.
 
 
riverbank
25 March 2009 @ 08:32 am
I'm learning interesting things about about Helvetica this morning. Typography has personality, it says things in itself. Did you know Helvetica is the most popular typeface in the world, it deals with negative space (the space inside and in between the letters), and means typeface of switzerland. I never knew the beauty of typeface before. Modernist buildings in europe from the 60s so clean and modern. Helvetica has become conformity in some typefacers' eyes, in others its fresh and clean. Like modernism can become a associated with capitalism and corporations vs the aesthetic qualities of the typeface make it possibly perfect?

http://www.helveticafilm.com/
 
 
riverbank
22 January 2009 @ 10:29 am
Umm...I don't know why my email address is still the contact for HugoNuts community.

I've been gone from lj for a while. Recently got back and not interested in doing this community anymore.

I thought I had given it away?

Please respond to this post if you know who the moderator is. That way we can do a proper hand over. Thanks.
-Beth